There are few tokens of my affection that are explicitly carved out for you these days. And I’m working on that because you are so (so) worth it.
Sometimes it feels like we were dropped in a foreign land of tantrums and bed times, where the space between us inevitably grows. A space that is filled with such deep joy. But also exhaustion and complacency, which doesn’t feel like us at all. It’s so confusing to both love this place and want out at the same time.
Do you remember the days when we could close down a restaurant? Or drive for 13 hours straight without running out of things to say? Or do you remember when people would tell us what hard work marriage was and we would wonder what they were doing wrong? I should have known that you’ll always end up on both sides of what you judge.
Marriage has become hard work. It’s the ultimate labor of love. But this hard work is worth every bit of it, because you are a gift. And I don’t tell you (or show you) that enough. But I need you to know that. You are such a gift.
Don’t think I don’t see you. I notice the lollipops you pick up for the kids every time you go into the bank. And the fact that you dump the coffee grounds every single day. Or the way you take charge and drill holes, and patch, and rake to make sure our house stays a home. I love you for embracing my organized piles of chaos, and my essential oil collection. And the way you wholeheartedly commit to the therapy we so naively thought we’d never need.
I see you. And I feel you.
I know it’s not always pretty. We have a lot more messes to clean up now. But in the midst of the turbulence, we are giving Brett and Levi a shot at learning how to do relationships right. They get courtside seats to the mess, but even more importantly to the cleanup. We are learning how to make it right the genuine way. And we get to teach them in the only way possible, which is by example.
What’s growing for us now is so much greater than ever before. This new love is not always glamorous, but what I know is that it’s a wise and mature love. One that is so much richer. This love will sustain us. I know this deep in my bones. And I know that you know it too.
I love you. And this is for you.